She done that several times--noticed that I was working and not very happy and offered to help. Is it OK for a kid to be that tuned in to the emotional climate around her? Usually when I'm cleaning, I enlist A and M to help. Maybe when I'm not in a good place emotionally I don't ask for their help, and that gets A's attention? But actually, I do know that she is acutely aware of the emotions of those around her. It is upsetting for any child for their parents to be mad at each other, or even just unhappy about some random thing. I do like the fact that she is thoughtful and willing to pitch in and help. I sure hope she doesn't feel like it's her job to cheer me up when I'm not happy, though.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Too much of a Good Thing?
A is a classic oldest child: responsible, mature, disciplined. These are good qualities that I so appreciate. Every once in a while I get a little twinge, though, wondering if I've corrected her too much, allowed her to be exposed to too much discord between my husband and I. The other night my husband was mad, and then I was mad that he was mad. I started grumpily cleaning the kitchen. A saw all this, and asked if I wanted any help cleaning up. I did, and I put her to work, but I wondered if this was normal for an 11-year-old.
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4 comments:
I think it's a good thing for kids to be aware that there are sunny times and not-so-sunny times in a loving partnership/spousal relationship. It's a safe environment for them to witness the struggle it occasionally is to work towards common goals as a family and that often includes mom or dad (or both) being upset.
I think that the soap-opera and tabloid relationships flashing all around us are such a disservice to us as those relationships appear very handsome and happy ALL THE TIME. Life is just not that way and the sooner our kids grasp that reality, I think, the more likely they are to understand fully what a committed relationship is all about. Or more fully, hopefully.
A is genuinely showing her compassion by offering to help and yes, being that typical older child at the same time! You'll laugh - but as I read your description of the typical first born I caught myself thinking "hmmmmm, that's not the case in this house with L"! But he's wonderful in his very own ways.
Hope this sun brings smiles your way!
Catherine
If the roles were reversed and A was grumpily doing her chores after a tiff with M or D, would you have done any differently? I think it is our job, all of us, to give the people we love special care when they're upset. And I know A well enough to know that she's not above putting her foot down (stomping it, even!) when she feels strongly about something. You have a very compassionate, but also assertive, young woman blossoming in your family.
Hope your colds are a little better...and have a fun Easter!
What Catherine and Ali said was just what I was thinking. A is learning how to be sensitive and loving, or rather, she's already got a pretty good grasp on it!
I've had exposure to family members who try to keep children shielded from the reality going on around them. I just see it as damaging. Honesty is always a good thing, even if it's difficult to deal with. It's better than the alternative.
Thanks for your thoughts, guys! I definitely shield my kids less than I was shielded from the ups and downs of my parents' lives. Probably mainly just because we live in a much smaller house and spend a lot more time together than when I was growing up. On the good side, I guess they see that disagreements are normal, and see us come back together and work things out and try again to figure out a better way of doing things. Not so bad, I guess. Sometimes when I stray away from how I was brought up, I'm not on such firm ground and its harder to figure out if I'm doing the right thing.
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