Sunday, August 31, 2008

Mr. Perfect Robinson

Well, we gave up on Swiss Family Robinson about 1/3 of the way through. When we all started hoping that the hero would get attacked by a wild animal, it seemed better to take the higher path and just quit reading it. If I had to suffer through one more amazing stroke of luck or McGyver-type invention that Mr. Robinson was praying would work, though never so bold as to believe it would, and then have it work better than he ever imagined, and in fact turn out to be a perfect coconut picking device as well as building crane or whatever, I think I would have thrown the book in the fire. And it's a library book, and I *really* don't want to have to pay for it, of all the annoying books. 

I just couldn't take any more displays of Mr. Robinson's encyclopedic knowledge of tropical flora and fauna and all their uses, or hear one more amazing stroke of luck. The ship was stocked with provisions for a whole colony for a year! What luck! The island is packed with useful and delicious plants and animals and fresh water! There is a little boat stored away inside the hull of the ship that is undamaged! What luck! When the sons aren't working like slaves because they *so* want to be cooperative and helpful, they are engaged in games of strength, endurance, and skill to help them become better hunters and builders! Isn't that special. And every time they come upon an animal they kill it or imprison it. Lovely. By the time we quit the only thing keeping us reading was the chance to snicker about their ass and their pinnace, which we heard quite a lot about.

3 comments:

Ali said...

Apart from the killing and trapping of animals, it kind of sounds like some of those homeschooling families you read about now and then...

Elizabeth said...

This is great! What a funny, snarky piece you've written. I love it!

ElizO said...

Yes, I know what you mean about those perfect overachieving homeschooling families! With their 9 children who are building a full scale authentic trebuchet in the back yard and putting on full productions of Shakespeare out of the garage that even require the 5-year-old to memorize a soliloquy, right after winning the geography bee, and putting on that benefit concert, that is...