At the same time, I could relate to the teenagers' desire to connect with others and show their "real" selves to people who understand and support them. It was hard to do anything unexpected at school, where the other kids would probably just think you were stupid, or at least act as if they thought so. But I remember just dying to do something interesting and different. To feel alive with adventure, and experience intense sensations and emotions. The teenage years are a funny time of both wanting to be your own person and figure out who you really are, what is special and unique about you, but at the same time you want lots of support from like-minded friends. The process of figuring out who you are is a conversation, not a monologue. I was a pretty asocial kid--I cared less about what other people thought of me than anyone else I knew my age, but I still needed a couple of solid people in my corner to hang out with now and then.
It seems like online communities can serve an important function in these years, and I can see why they are so popular. That said, of course there are pitfalls. I have no idea what the risks will be for my particular kids, and I'm even having a hard time coming up with guiding principles to help me make decisions about computer and media exposure down the road. My main principle is that we live in a tiny house with little private space, only one computer (which is in a central area), and no TV reception. Our media exposure is limited to pretty unsexy, educational things like Kids Discover, The Nation, National Geographic, and whatever we find in the library.
How long will this approach work? So far my kids aren't unsatisfied with the way we live and aren't pushing for more of anything, really (except time with Mom). We hang out with mostly pretty like-minded families, so they don't see their friends getting cell phones and ipods and video game set-ups, so it probably doesn't occur to them to want those things. When will this change? What will I do when it does change? Dare I hope it doesn't change? Has my and my husband's low-media, low-budget lifestyle had a positive effect on the kids?
My husband and I are really winging it. We don't read parenting books, we don't have many discussions about how we should do things, we rarely (never?) have serious discussions all together as a family. We just kind of bumble along without a lot of planning or foresight. Our kids aren't amazing the world with their skills and talents, but they are usually pretty easy to hang out with, they have surprisingly good judgement, and they are trustworthy. I think these are the attributes that will ultimately help them develop healthy friendships and other relationships, in person and online. And I hope these attributes will help them steer away from the more destructive stuff out there. I just hope I'll have the foresight to spot trouble before it hits and the wisdom to figure out what to do about it.
1 comment:
I'm in your camp on the media (anti-media?) approach. I feel as if everything you can do online, you can also do another way. Granted much of it takes more time but I see the value in helping L & E learn about the processes of the world in a more personalized way. I also appreciate "real" connections with people rather than a cyber-connection.
One challenge I'm struggling with is when I'm working (which often involves computer use)the kids see me at the screen for lengthy periods. Two solutions I can come up with to at least appear to be practicing what I'm preaching: more work during their bedtime hours (YUCK, I'm tired then, too!) or less reading of your (and others) enriching blog :-).
And that doesn't sound like any fun at all.
Catherine
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