I have one friend who makes comments sometimes indicating that she doesn't view herself as especially "smart", meaning, for her, that she had to work very hard in school to get good grades and still sometimes has to work hard to understand things she wants to understand. However, she is remarkably curious and is always asking questions that I wouldn't think to ask. It seems like curiosity will get you a lot farther than being able to pick things up quickly.
I always considered it a strength of mine that I have a high tolerance for ambiguity. That is, I don't stress out if I don't know everything I want to know about a situation or person--I can go with the situation as it is and let it unfold without feeling unduly stressed that I don't know where it is going to go. However, the flip side of this, I am realizing lately after hanging around with this friend, is an embarrassing lack of curiosity. It is good to have the wisdom to realize when more information will not be helpful, and when to stop gathering information and just make a decision based on what you do know. However, it is also so important to be wondering about things and thinking about things. I don't do this enough. So this is resolution number one, gleaned from my wise and curious friend: be curious!
The second resolution is related, but different. Last night I was reading the blog of a homeschooling mom that linked to a post by her 12-year-old daughter. I started to read the daughter's post and was completely blown away. This girl read Beowulf in its original Old English and wrote a very intelligent essay on it (with perfect writing mechanics, by the way!), including historical background, parallels she saw with The Hobbit, a description of her personal reaction to her favorite part of Beowulf, which she memorized and typed into her post (all 100 or so lines of it!!). We're a long ways from this at my house, I'm afraid. I went back to the mom's blog and read some older posts, looking for clues about what this mother is doing to elicit this level of academic endeavor. One post described her family as "loud", as in, always arguing, debating, and laughing loudly. This struck me, because it doesn't really describe my family, but I wish it did. But how do I encourage this? I don't think that diving in and arguing a lot with my kids would be especially productive.
Here's what I'm thinking. We do actually laugh a lot, and this is the foundation I should build on. I should try to be sure we laugh together every day. Laughing is really about being in the kind of mood where you can be playful and silly, rather than annoyed and impatient. A playful mood is also the kind of place a lively discussion can spring from--one where everyone clamors to have their say.
Here's the part I don't do so well: listening. I need to listen hard to the things my kids are interested in talking about and draw them out, rather than cutting conversations short because I don't really want to hear the detailed Harry Potter analysis, for example. Too often I only half listen. So this is my second resolution: Listen hard and keep them talking about things they are interested in for as long as they have something to say. Use my curiosity to help me think up questions and keep the conversation going.
OK, so I guess I actually have three goals: be curious, really listen, and make sure we have a good laugh together everyday day. These are so embarrassingly basic! I don't think this will lead to an instant transformation to a loud, debating family with lots of lively conversation, but I think these things will get us started on the journey. Wish me luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment