Nineteen Everlovin' Years

Yesterday was my and my husband's 19th anniversary. Yes, we did get married on April Fools Day on purpose, in case you were wondering. D just saw me typing away on the computer and asked if I was writing him a love letter. I'll give it a whirl.

Our 19 years have definitely had ups and downs, but as much as we get exasperated with each other at times, our connection is so strong. We have really different brains--I'm linear, logical, even-tempered, conflict-averse, optimistic, and rather dull. You are none of those things. You are observant, expressive, creative, cynical, and funny. I'm none of those things. 

I love watching us at an art museum. In each room I start to the left of the door and work my way around the room piece-by-piece, and tend to like the ones that have pretty colors in them. You go in some totally random order, as for as I can tell, and have very strong opinions about what you're looking at that don't seem to have much of anything to do with whether there are pretty colors involved. I love watching us on bike rides. I pedal along at a steady pace, watching for traffic above all. You speed ahead, then lag behind, looking everywhere BUT at the road and the traffic.

We've found a lot of common ground, too, however. We totally understand each other's basic values, some core personality traits, and of course our feelings towards our kids. And where we differ, we've given each other some insight into how the other half thinks and feels. I think it's fair to say that I've learned to value of creating and expressing, and you've learned to value of critical thinking. Kinda sorta, anyway? And in the end, I'm sure there is no better partner for me. I know that I need independence and I appreciate that you've allowed this, even when you've wanted more connection. I know that I also need a partner who challenges me, and life with you has never been boring. I may complain at times, but in truth, it is what I need. I love the fact that I can still be totally surprised by your reaction to books and movies and events in the news. Without you, my life would be out-of-balance, colorless, and lifeless.

How's that for a logical, even-tempered, and rather dull love letter? Anyway, I really, really do love ya! 

On-line Writing Course, Assignment #1

I'm doing an on-line writing course with A, and yesterday we did the first official exercise for the class. It is designed to illustrate how difficult it is to communicate clearly, and to point out that communication is the goal of writing. We drew simple pictures that we then described to the other person so they could draw what we described. On the first try you see all the things you failed to describe accurately, and then you try again. This was fun, and we came to some useful conclusions (like, it really helps if you give the person an overview of what you're going to describe in detail first), and it showed me something about what is different in the way A and I view the world.

The picture that I drew was just randomly arranged geometric shapes and straight lines--no picture, no story. For both of A's drawings, she arranged geometric shapes into a picture, first a flower and then a frog. I'm not sure exactly what this illustrates, but I see that I'm a "just the facts, ma'am" kind of person--no adornments, little imagination, lots of linear thinking. A is much more tuned into stories and people. For me, writing is about conveying some specific information as clearly as I can. For her, it is about telling a story and bringing characters to life. This is very cool, and I hope I can help her nurture this impulse of hers. The class we're taking isn't focused on fiction, but nonfiction writing is so much more interesting when the writer has a story to tell and is really interested in showing you what the people are like. And, when I think about the non-fiction A has shown an interest in, it has been in writing about real people who have fascinated her, like Louis the XIV and Eleanor of Aquitaine. So I think she'll be perfectly happy to work in the relm of non-fiction.

The other good thing about this class is that the instructor has urged us to make writing our top priority for the next 6 weeks. This will be great--something different is always welcome, and A has been asking and asking to do more writing. So far so good.

Music for the Soul

A is getting to where she can play chords on the piano to go with fiddle tunes! If they print the chords, and the chords don't change super fast, she can come up with a piano part while I play the tunes on either violin (fun but not so beautiful) or cello (sounds way better, but just not a fiddle). And M can keep a good beat with his drum. 

My chamber music playing has really dropped off, to about once every month or two, and on the one hand I really miss it, but I also kind of don't. I don't miss the time it takes out of my week, that is. When I'm playing, I wish I could do it every day, but then when it comes to actually scheduling something, I seem to put if off. I keep telling myself that when the kids get older and I have lots of time, I'm going to devote myself to playing chamber music. In the meantime, there is so much fun to be had with fiddle tunes and folk songs and just simple fun stuff. 

So this is my latest resolution--to pull out all our different instruments and try to get my husband and kids to play with me. It is just so much fun. We've got a lot of instruments sitting around this house, we need to put them to more use!

Obama!

In my lifetime, I haven't seen much in the U.S. that I'm especially proud of. When I think of what we've given the to world, the things the leap to mind are consumerism; the value of profit over everything else; lack of concern for the environment and the natural world; a belief that we have the right to bully smaller, less powerful people in order to maintain the profits of our powerful corporation and the people who profit from them and our wasteful lifestyle. In graduate school, my best friend, who was Israeli, used to point out that I'm very American, whether I like it or not. That my rather intense need for independence, my work ethic (work at the expense of health and happiness), and my tendency to be polite, yet distant, were all classic American. I don't know that these are my best traits.

However, I just watched Obama's speech about race, and discovered something that I think the U.S. has given the world that is truly for the better. He said that among his siblings, cousins, and extended family, he is related to people of all races and classes. His family was a blend of Africa, Indonesia, and White America, and he married into a family of Black Americans. This is where the U.S. is ahead of the game. I don't have any data to back this up, but I believe that the U.S. has lead the way in recognizing value in diversity. It hasn't gotten through to all corners of the U.S., of course, but in my lifetime, I've seen big changes in how normal it looks to see people hanging out together that have a range of skin tones. I now expect that the people I interact with in the course of the day will be different from me in some external way(s), and I love how little that interferes with us working together and being together.  I think there has been real progress on this front the the past 30 or 40 years. 

This is inspiring. I do like feeling that the U.S. has brought something positive to the world in my lifetime. And there is, of course, more to be done, and it underlies much important work. I really believe that the more people in the U.S. can see the fundamental truth that we're all in this together, the more good can be done. I'm no longer undecided on who I want for President. I do think there is a difference between Clinton and Obama, and I think Obama has more to offer this country, because he really sees how connected we all are. I really see what he means when he says that his life is about bring people together. I thought he was talking about Republicans and Democrats, and read between the lines that this meant capitulating to the Republicans. But now I believe that he's talking about recognizing our connections with everyone else in this country and the broader world. This is a message I deeply believe in.

The only discouraging thing is that I have a perfect record for voting for a losing candidate. Aargh!

Too much of a Good Thing?

A is a classic oldest child: responsible, mature, disciplined. These are good qualities that I so appreciate. Every once in a while I get a little twinge, though, wondering if I've corrected her too much, allowed her to be exposed to too much discord between my husband and I. The other night my husband was mad, and then I was mad that he was mad. I started grumpily cleaning the kitchen. A saw all this, and asked if I wanted any help cleaning up. I did, and I put her to work, but I wondered if this was normal for an 11-year-old. 

She done that several times--noticed that I was working and not very happy and offered to help. Is it OK for a kid to be that tuned in to the emotional climate around her? Usually when I'm cleaning, I enlist A and M to help. Maybe when I'm not in a good place emotionally I don't ask for their help, and that gets A's attention? But actually, I do know that she is acutely aware of the emotions of those around her. It is upsetting for any child for their parents to be mad at each other, or even just unhappy about some random thing. I do like the fact that she is thoughtful and willing to pitch in and help. I sure hope she doesn't feel like it's her job to cheer me up when I'm not happy, though.

A Little Sympathy, Please!

A and I are coughing and blowing noses and generally feeling suboptimal. Poor M had this cold earlier this week, his 4th or 5th cold this winter, not to mention the stomach bug he had early on. Or maybe it has only been a couple of colds with several relapses, I don't know. In any case, when he claimed to be getting a cold earlier this week, I was sick of him being sick and cranky, and I thought he just didn't want to go to gymnastics. Needless to say, I wasn't very sympathetic. Then he started coughing and coughing and it dawned on my that, yes, he was truly sick. Just because I'm running out of sympathy, that doesn't mean he feels fine. So now I'm feeling cruddy, and I hope people are nicer to me about it than I was to him! 

But M has bounced back and is feeling fine now, fortunately. He just dashed downstairs excitedly and said: "Mom! I just put in another Winnie the Pooh CD and its all these poems!! Pooh did them! You know, James James who lost his mother, and the one about lines and boxes, and Halfway up the Stairs--all your favorites! You've got to listen to this CD. You'll love it." Then he ran upstairs and got the CD for me. You see? I am getting much better treatment than he did.

A Lovely Winter's Day

Even though spring has arrived here, according to all the beautiful pink trees and daffodils and daphne and red-flowering current bushes, today felt wintery. The repeated/lingering cold that M has been fighting pretty much all winter seems to be back, with lots of hacking and nose blowing. We ended up not having science club here today, and we actually overslept and missed A's piano lesson (I can't believe we did that! I've never done that before). So we had neither of our usual Friday activities.

But it occurred to me today that we humans are meant to hunker down in the winter and stay home. At least those of us who aren't that close to the equator. It seems like I spend all winter fighting the urge to stay home, and all summer out of doors. Surely this is how our ancestors lived--hunkered in during the winter, working on quilts and clothes, repairing tools, eating soup and stew, reading, going to sleep early. Today was one of those days here. A and I ran a few errands, but mostly we hung around and did schoolwork, read, made a delicious black bean soup for dinner and ginger snaps for dessert. After dinner we watched a movie, read On the Banks of Plum Creek, and called it a day. This was my kind of winter day.

OK, tomorrow, no excuses, I have to get some exercise. I seriously have to work off those ginger snaps!

P.S. I got the black bean soup recipe out of the current issue of Cook's Illustrated and it was incredibly delicious. I don't think I can post here, since I followed their recipe almost exactly, and they aren't giving it away for free. I definitely recommend it, though, if you come across it. It has ham in it, but it has lots of other seasonings and loads of flavor, so I imagine it would be very good without the ham.